Insomnia
by Cats070911
Summary: Barbara is restless with Tommy away on course. A small piece of nothingness.


**Author's note: **As always the characters belong to the BBC and Elizabeth George and I have borrowed the song form Chicago. This little piece of nothingness was a product of my insomnia at 3am. I think I learned not to start watching 'Word of God' at 1 am to try to put me to sleep, it failed miserably.

* * *

The pub was alive with music and laughter. Stuart Lafferty had bought drinks only to be mocked about the moths that had been seen flying out of his battered leather wallet. He had suggested drinks after work and Barbara was suspicious that he had done it to try to cheer her up. She had tried hard not to mope about but he had probably seen through her act.

Winston had invited a pretty new constable from downstairs that he was trying to woo and they were sitting close to each other whispering. Her giggling was annoying and Barbara tried to ignore her. She had a feeling Winston was not going to go home alone. She was straining to listen to Stuart across the table above the music but was losing the battle. She did not want to move any closer and eventually they stopped talking and sat nodding their heads to the beat of the music. Barbara was not listening to the lyrics or even to the tunes, her mind distracted by other thoughts. She fiddled with her glass turning it around in her hand while she stared at the empty seat where Tommy should be sitting.

When the band took a break Winston spoke. "So, have you heard from the DI at all?"

"Nah, it's one o'those courses where they're not allowed contact with the outside world."

"When's it finish?"

"T'night I think," she said listlessly.

"Well cheer up, he'll be back on Monday to harass us all," Stuart said loudly. He had noticed that Barbara had been flat all week. He had hoped tonight she might lighten up a bit. Lynley had only been gone a week but anyone looking at Barbara would think he had been away a year.

Barbara shot him a sour glance. Lynley did not harass people unnecessarily. "Yeah, well it's been no fun doing all his paperwork. It'll be good if a case comes in."

Winston tried to jolly the mood, "attention all murderers, Detective Sergeant Havers is bored and needs a new case!"

"Ha ha DC Nkata." She was trying to enter into the spirit of the night but when the publican started a raffle the constant calling of numbers and shouts from excited ticket holders irritated her. She finished her drink, made her excuses and left the cloying confines of the pub. She often found that she was never more alone than when she was in a crowd.

She had left her car at the station and debated whether or not to fetch it. Three drinks in the time they had been there was probably going to put her just over the limit so she walked to the bus rank. She shifted her weight from foot to foot as she waited. The evening was brisk as the autumn started its decline into winter. Three buses came and went before finally hers pulled up. She decided to ride on the top deck where she could watch the cars and people flash by. She usually picked out a person or a car and made up a little story in her head about where they were going and what their lives were like. Tonight she had no energy and little interest and just watched the lights and the patterns of the city flash past.

It was about ten o'clock when she put her key in the lock. She was tired but knew that sleep would elude her. She tossed her coat on the chair and threw her bag on top of it then poured a drink. She looked at it ruefully and smiled. She rarely drank whiskey, except with Tommy, but now it made her feel closer to him. There was not much on TV as she flicked impatiently through the channels so she put on some music and tried to read her book.

_And I want you here with me  
__From tonight, until the end of time  
You should know, everywhere I go  
Your always on my mind, in my heart, in my soul  
Baby, you're the menaing in my life  
You're the inspiration  
You bring feeling to my life  
You're the inspiration..._

After re-reading a paragraph three or four times she saw the futility and put it back on the table. She flicked off the stereo but the song was trapped in her in her head. "Ahhhhh!" Barbara decided to shower. She has expected the warm water to help to relax her but in reality it made no difference. Dressed only in her thick towelling robe she searched for clean pyjamas amongst her laundry. It appeared they were all still waiting to be washed. She thought about doing the laundry but tomorrow was wash day and if she did it now she would have nothing to do then._ What a pathetically sad life you have when washing is the highlight of your weekend!_

As she paced around her small flat she grew increasingly restless. She had managed to carve an interesting life for herself at work but at home she was still lost. Some days were worse than others but with only her thoughts for company she was increasingly fighting for recognition in a world of nothingness. It was almost a visceral pain and the lack of purpose threatened to overwhelm her. She poured another drink and sat thinking about what defined her life,what gave it purpose and meaning. She sat thinking of Tommy and the damned song returned.

_When you love somebody  
Till the end of time  
When you love somebody  
Always on my mind_

It would only be about fifty-seven hours until she saw him and they could talk about his course and hopefully a case would come in to occupy their minds. She poured another whiskey and sat and fantasized about their conversation. She imagined sitting for hours in his car bantering about class differences or human nature. She closed her eyes and sighed.

Her reverie was broken by the buzz of her doorbell. It was almost midnight. She wandered to the door and opened it as far as the chain allowed. Her heart quickened as she released the latch and opened it fully.

"Sir, what are doin' here?"

Tommy was leaning with his shoulder on the side of the doorframe, his hands shoved deep into his overcoat pockets. "I've been unbearably lonely Barbara."As she opened the door he looked at the glass in her hand and a large grin, the one that he only ever used for her, spread across his face. He walked into her flat and paused to kiss her softly on her cheek, his hand resting lightly on her hip. He took the glass and shrugged off his coat as she closed the door.

* * *

**Lyrics:** "You're the Inspiration", Chicago.


End file.
